Review of: The Amazing Spider-Man (In 3-D)

When I heard they were rebooting the Spider-Man film franchise, within 5 years of Sam Raimi's trilogy of films, I rolled my eyes.  Sure, Spider-Man 3 was moderately awful, with subpar interpretations of Venom and a shoehorned in Gwen Stacy, with the most interesting villain (Sandman) sidelined into a subplot that barely went anywhere. And "Emo Peter Parker" and his big dance number... the less said about that, the better. I originally had no intention of going to see the newest incarnation of Marvel's flagship hero franchise.  A few things along the way changed my mind, and I went to go see it yesterday, and I'm prepared to review it.  First, Andrew Garfield's introduction to the panel at Comic-Con, his gasping, stuttering speech about what the character meant to him as a fan made me interested to see what that actor could do with the character of Peter Parker.  Then, the announcement of the casting of Emma Stone came out.  Like most people, I'm most familiar with her as a redhead in film, so I thought "Oh. Mary Jane Watson."  When I heard that she was going to her natural hair color of blonde to portray Gwen Stacy in a fashion true to the comics, I was sold. I'd give The Amazing Spider-Man a shot.

Apparently, the reboot happened because Sam Raimi refused to
continue the franchise, not being allowed the time he'd need to not make Spider-Man 4 not suck.

I decided to see the film in 3-D, since the showtimes for that were most convenient for me, and my wife (who can't see 3-D) had no interest in the reboot. I'd privately hated the whole 3-D trend in blockbuster movies, but, to be fair, I'd never really given it an honest chance.  Now that I have, I can say from my own personal experience, that I despise the current 3-D filmmaking fad.  I hate the gimmicky shots that are included in otherwise decent filmmaking, I  hate the blurry, half-assed effect of some of the scenes meant to showcase the technology... I don't mind it so much when it is subtle depth-of-field stuff, but it rarely is.  If you already hate 3-D, this film won't change your mind.  On to the review of the film itself.

 The first film in any (re)launch of a superhero franchise basically is split into the origin story and the first fight with a supervillain. For anyone who just wants the quick 'n dirty summary of my thoughts on the movie, The Amazing Spider-Man knocks the origin portion of its story out of the park, and falls a bit flat on the supervillain battle portion.  The beginning two-thirds of the story are good enough that I recommend the movie overall, but this falls into the category of "couldn't stick the landing."  Andrew Garfield is flat-out awesome as Peter Parker. He captures the awkwardness and quiet geekiness of the teenager who feels out of place wherever he is.  He's the "outcast" sort of geeky kid who manages to get in trouble with authority without any sense of edgy rebellion, and still gets ignored by girls and beaten up by bullies.  Making him a skater would normally make me groan as an attempt to "modernize" a classic character, but it works for this Parker, and translates well into his specific style of acrobatic tricks once he gets his powers.

The best thing about the new Spider-Man is the great casting of the two leads.

The best parts of the film are when Peter gets his powers, but before any conflict with the Lizard. From his accidental use of spider-sense to protect himself instinctively to fighting street thugs while cracking jokes, he is the best representation of Spider-Man on screen in these moments.  The confidence he finds behind the mask, and the drive he has to do the right thing driven by responsibility and guilt are spot-on. There is an awesome article I read a few months back that makes the case for Spider-Man being an even better hero than Batman, with a point-by-point comparison between the two icons. I still prefer the Dark Knight, but the points made in that article (found here) regarding Spidey are proven through the excellent portrayal in the entire beginning/middle of the movie. You can get the rest of the film wrong, and get that right and have a very good Spider-Man film.

It is unfortunate, then, that the rest of the film just isn't very good.  Rhys Ifans is great as Dr. Curt Connors, but after he becomes The Lizard, special effects and style trounce substance, and much of the tragic quality of this villain is lost in the flash.  Denis Leary is wasted, basically playing himself as police Captain George Stacy, in contrast to Emma Stone who is great as his daughter Gwen.  The biggest shame is that the over-the-top, effects-heavy and video-gamey action sequences that dominate the last act of the story are predictable and without any charm or personality.  We're no longer shocked when Peter is beaten up, his costume ripped and bloody since we've seen it before. No longer inspired when normal folks come to his aid even though the city inexplicably seems to consider him a greater threat than criminals and supervillains, we've seen that, too.  I wanted more of the Spider-Man who I saw fighting crime at the beginning, being a total smart-ass. It is clear in the comics that Parker cracks jokes partially as a defense mechanism to hide the fact that physical confrontation with dangerous criminals is scary, even if you have super-powers.





I want to see more of this incarnation of Spider-Man, who has the web-shooters he built himself filled with cartridges of web-fluid, and whose origin is, in many ways, a truer vision than Sam Raimi's take on it ten years ago. I want to see more of Gwen Stacy, and I hope the franchise has the balls to lead her to her eventual tragic fate. I want to see less of action sequences meant to showcase 3-D technology or to preview how awesome the video game is going to be.  The Lizard was almost there in moments when the movie wasn't just showcasing his physical strength and agility, but the mark was missed, and I hope the same won't happen with the Green Goblin. Norman Osborn is mentioned, but not seen, in this film and the mystery of what, exactly happened to Peter Parker's parents bookends the film in setting up both Peter's childhood and the eventual sequel.

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Blog Gadgets

Aquaman #1: No One's Favorite Superhero Returns.

What would you do if your existence was reduced to a walking punchline? You'd live as easy target, butt of many jokes, everyone knows you, no one likes you save close friends and family. This is the existence for a lot of D-List Celebrities, as you can't be a universal comedy punching bag without being famous. Now, imagine the same scenario only bullets bounce off you, you can jump over your neighbor's house, lift thousands of pounds without breaking a sweat and mentally influence millions of animals. You'd be Aquaman. He gets a bad rap for being a lame superhero, mostly from people who have never read an issue of one of his comics. In addition to the powers I've mentioned, he, of course, wields an ancient trident of great power and is the ruler of most of the planet, considering that the majority of the surface of the earth is covered in water. When DC Comics relaunched its entire line in the "New 52," Aquaman #1 was on the list for a reboot. What do you do with a character whose name inspires cheap laughs?

I never thought I'd say it, but Aquaman is awesome.

Aquaman has, since his introduction in 1941, partially earned the scorn and derision of comic book fans over the years. He's had more than a few lame villains, including one of his archenemies, The Fisherman, and by the Silver Age of comics, he was saddled with a crippling weakness (touch water once per hour or die.) Over the years, the character has been re-interpreted and rebooted, from aquatic training and science, through half-atlantean powers and a retcon in the late 1980s to combine all of his origin stories. In the mid-1990s, the character was given a "dark and gritty" makeover with gladiator-style armor and a retractable harpoon hand, as well as a violent and tortured temperment. No matter how many times his style and origins changed, the snarky comments from casual comic book fans and people who haven't picked up an issue in years persisted.

Instead of ignoring the scorn heaped on the one time leader of the JLA, in Aquaman #1, written by Geoff Johns, it is embraced. Aquaman seems to have returned to his Silver Age roots in terms of origin stories as an atlantean prince and heir with a human father. Police, criminals and the average person on the street sneer at the powerful and noble figure, laughing in his face and making cracks about "talking to fish" and asking if he needs a glass of water. He's torn between the surface world and the sea, and despite his reputation as a laughingstock, he defends the surface world that mocks and scorns him. We get to see his powers in action, brief flashbacks to his time with his father, and his origin story is woven in subtly and mostly shown to us, not told in hamfisted expository fashion. We even get a partial answer to the question that is begged: If people laugh at you on the surface, why stay up there?

Aquaman vs. Hipster. Oh god, "The Hipster" is a terrible idea  for a villain.

I've read, mostly out of curiosity, a handful of DC's New 52, and of the titles I've made it through so far, Aquaman #1 is by far my favorite of the bunch. The writing is superb, artwork is in line with the best DC can bring to A-List titles and the pacing through the panel layout it just about perfect. By acknowledging the character's reputation for being lame and demonstrating why it is an undeserved label, the audience instantly sides with Aquaman and develops an attachment to the character, mentally defending him against the slurs of the ignorant. I will go so far as to make an extremely controversial statment, in a series of words I never thought I'd type. If all I was considering was the strength of their respective first issues in the DC reboot, completely ignoring decades of character history and associated mythology and art, I'd look at Aquaman and Batman. Then I'd say "Aquaman is better than Batman." Something in my stomach lurched at typing those words in that order, but there it is.

The setup, as far as I can see it, may face a problem that Aquaman has always faced, and the criticism is worth mentioning. Aquaman has mostly pretty lame villains. In the first issue, the foes presented are generic criminals and a preview of stock undersea beasties gearing up for a showdown to come. With the possible exception of Black Manta, the new Aquaman doesn't really have anyone to fight who can make him continue to earn his newfound status as a cool superhero. I have faith in the writing at this point, and we'll see if new foes or new interpretations of old villains can step up to the challenge of inclusion in the bold new direction for a classic character. With one issue that isn't really focused on defeating bad guys (though there is some action in the pages) it is far too early to call out the series for a lack of cool villains, that is just a lingering concern.

Bulletproof? Not 100%, the one that hit him in the head
 made him bleed a little, and pissed him off.

With the streamlined version of a Silver Age Origin cleaning up the murky waters of Arthur Curry's origin and solid writing, this title has serious potential to be a standout success story in the mixed reviews from the New 52. We've got a character that is badass with a new direction that fans are likely to accept, because it doesn't discard or ignore what came before, we're just shown it in a new light. This is in stark contrast to the misogyny disguised as female empowerment in Catwoman #1, gaining headlines through strip clubs and casual sex with Batman in-costume, and other missteps in DC's move to remain relevant in years to come. For years, Aquaman may have been the target of bad jokes, but this first issue is showing who is getting the last laugh.

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Blog Gadgets

Batmen in Elseworlds – The best of Bruce Wayne in alternate universes.

When I write about comic books, I tend to write about Marvel. I've declared my allegiance there, but that doesn't mean I don't like DC. I could do without most of the DC Universe, but c'mon... Batman. When thinking about my favorite heroes in all comic books, I don't usually even bother listing him. Batman is just assumed to be at the top of that list. One of the things that got me into the Marvel continuity was What If?, as I've mentioned before. That said, my very favorite DC titles come from a similar source, in their elseworlds imprint. In fact, my favorite single issue of a superhero comic is probably the final issue of the Elseworld title Superman: The Nail. Over the years, however, I've made a point of tracking down and reading almost every one of the Batman Elseworld one-shots and limited series. These titles are the best of those, in my estimation.

Batman: Holy Terror – This book was the first ever to be published under the Elseworlds logo, and one of the many that takes familiar characters from Batman's corner of the DC Universe and places them in a new time and place, re-telling their origins through trappings of the transplanted genre. In this story, the Reverend Bruce Wayne of Gotham is told by his friend James Gordon, an inquisitor in charge of investigating the deaths of Bruce's parents that their deaths were part of a state conspiracy, and not a random mugging. His crusade to bring those responsible to justice in the Dark Theocratic Government brings him into contact with Barry Allen, and a witch whose spells are cast backwards, reminiscent of Zatanna. In the cape and cowl as a servant of God and Justice, he runs into the conspirators in the midst of "Project Green Man," involving a certain alien who crash landed in Kansas.

Gotham Noir – This one I rushed right out to purchase, as I'm a huge fan of detective stories and Film Noir. In some ways, this tale is more about Jim Gordon than it is about Bruce Wayne. We see Gordon, a washed up drunk and private investigator trying to deal with his demons when he gets pulled into a mystery. He has to find his way out of the bottom of a bottle and find out what really happened to the girl he failed to protect. Along the way, he has to confront what happened back in the war, and deal with criminals and thugs around every corner of the darkened streets of Gotham in the late 1940s. We meet several incarnations of classic characters from the DC Universe, including Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle and a version of The Joker. Batman himself is present, but it is unclear by the end if he is real, or hallucinations brought on by Gordon cracking under the pressure.

The Doom That Came to Gotham – Mike Mignola, of Hellboy fame with Dark Horse, spins a 1920s tale of a Bruce Wayne that could have come straight from the pages of H.P. Lovecraft. All of the looming cosmic horror and pulp adventure, with secrets Man Was Not Meant To Know lurking behind the mystery of it all. There are shades of much of the Cthulhu Mythos in this, most notably The Mountains of Madness near the start of the tale. Oliver Queen and Harvey Dent make cameos, and we are treated with 1920s versions of Mr. Freeze, The Penguin and both R'as and Talia al Ghul. Throughout the three volume series we also meet Alfred, James and Barbara Gordon and all three pre-Stephanie Brown incarnations of Robin – Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Tim Drake.

The Batman Vampire Trilogy – Starting with Batman and Dracula: Red Rain, this series gets darker and darker as it progresses. Rather than putting Batman in an alternate time or genre, we see what happens when the Dark Knight gets involved with the Lord of Vampires. From the initial books dealing with his battle against the Dark Prince of the Undead through his own struggle against his nature upon contracting vampirism itself, we see Bruce Wayne's dark side through the lens of horror. The story plays with Batman's already tortured psyche and inner demons and shows us what happens to that character we already know when he is gripped by something inside him he cannot control. Bruce Wayne is already compulsive, tortured and extraordinarily driven to the brink of insanity, add to that a unholy thirst for human blood and we have a great superhero/classic horror crossover tale.

Batman: In Darkest Knight – This series resembles the Marvel What If? Line more than the others because it is based on a simple question, and following the answer to that question to a possible logical conclusion. The question is, in this case, what would happen if instead of the power of the Green Lantern passing to Hal Jordan, what if it had gone to Bruce Wayne? We get a very different take on classic moments in the Green Lantern canon with a different bearer of the ring, and some of Wayne's past interact with the problems facing the Green Lantern Corps in unexpected ways. Sinestro is, in this Universe, responsible for the creation of supervillainous versions of Harvey Dent and Selina Kyle, completing a triad of Green Lantern villains tainted by Bruce Wayne's own past.

These stories are not in any way the whole of the Batman Elseworlds tales, just a few of my personal favorites. Though I never read all of it, Gotham by Gaslight is also worth a nod, and technically Frank Miller's classic The Dark Knight Returns could be considered an Elseworlds title, but I think that story might deserve an article all its own. I may at some later date return to the topic to revisit the Superman Elseworlds which also occupy a special place of honor in those few DC Titles I actively pursue and read whenever I can get my hands on them. 

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Blog Gadgets

“Superheroes” on HBO and the Real Life Superhero Movement.

I've written a lot about comics, thought a lot about what it would be like to be a superhero like Batman, no superhuman powers, just a costume and a desire to help out. The comics and films Kick-Ass and Watchmen are all about the idea of regular people who do just that, but they are also fiction. This month on HBO, a documentary aired about individuals who take to the streets of their communities in homemade costumes and try to help their communities in any way they can. The people who engage in this calling, hobby, whatever you want to call it refer to themselves as Real Life Superheroes. The film comes at the phenomenon from many different angles, alternately showing these heroes as inspiring, pathetic, courageous and partially unhinged at different points.

And yes, there are Real Life Supervillains, but they exist almost entirely on YouTube as parodies,
not committing real crimes. They simply mock and lampoon people in the RLSH scene.

The balanced take on the topic starting with the awkwardness of the movement, people in ridiculous suits who seem socially inept, most people who interact with them laughing at them or being patronizing in the way you might treat someone who is mentally handicapped. The police don't seem to know how to handle them, usually telling them to go home, that they don't want to see anyone hurt, a sentiment echoed by Marvel Comics' Stan Lee. Even the “super teams” that seem to have themselves fairly together and who could be taken somewhat seriously at first appear to be comprised of people who have something about them that is somehow a little... off. The people seem to be well meaning, but at first the question of “What would this be like?” can be answered with one word: “Lame.”

The documentary interviews many people and groups, but focuses on a few for most of the film. The New York Initiative, four roommates who train in weapons and martial arts and set up “bait patrols” in Brooklyn attempting to catch muggers trying to molest one of their own. Mr. Xtreme is portrayed as an awkward loner who moves into a van, watches Power Rangers and goes with his mother to a martial arts tournament where, as a white belt hoping to earn a higher rank, he gets his ass kicked. Zetaman, his wife Apocalypse Meow and the Jewish masked hero called Life focus on handing out clothes and food to the homeless in their communities. Dark Guardian's background as a martial arts instructor gives him confidence in his confrontations with DC drug dealers with the help of his sidekick, The Cameraman. Thanatos, the Dark Guardian, dispenses sage wisdom about what it all means, and the former Pro Wrestler (and generically-named) Super Hero shows off his cool gear, including a red sports car with “SUPRHERO” on the license plate. These last two are members of a super-team that also has the most colorful figure in the film.

Even if he is a nut, I'm glad someone like Master Legend is out there,
that he really exists outside the realm of fiction.

Team Justice is an officially recognized Non-Profit Organization based on the activities of an allied group of individuals mostly based in Florida (though Thanatos is active in British Columbia, Canada.) Whether organizing Christmas toy drives, going on patrol for criminals, dispensing food, helping anyone in need by means mundane or adventurous, there is no question that they do a lot of good. They also have as one of their founding members the most interesting individual in the RLSH community, and almost certainly the one who has been active the longest. He may also be certifiably insane. Master Legend believes he was born with a purple veil over his eyes, that he's died multiple times and that God listens to him. He is eccentric, drinking on the job (though he claims never to excess) and has a Swiss WWII army helmet, a modified potato cannon and a home welded “iron fist” that can punch through doors. He claims he started his career at age nine in New Orleans, learning to fight under the cruel influence of his Klansman parents, and beating up a local bully wearing a mask made from an old shirt.

By the end of the film, actual incidents of doing good, if not high-action comic book fare are caught on tape, and even Mr. Xtreme is honored by the Mayor of his city, and begins to recruit others for a super team of his own. Many of the RLSH individuals wear armored bodysuits and carry mace and tasers for personal protection, and seem pragmatic about the possibility that someone may shoot or stab them. Their visibility as symbols often is enough to stop trouble, and drug dealers sometimes give up in frustration when these masked and caped crusaders are about, because no one wants to buy drugs with a bunch of costumed vigilantes standing right there. A refusal to give up, to turn away when they see something wrong makes these people who they are, several of them inspired by the murder and rape of Kitty Genovese who died because people didn't want to get involved. This same story factored into the origin of Watchmen's Rorshach, a fictional hero who would be right at home with Master Legend and Thanatos.

Notably absent from the documentary is any mention of one of the most famous and controversial figures in the RLSH community, Seattle's Phoenix Jones. Jones is the leader of the Rain City Superheroes and has been vocal in his criticism of anyone who calls themselves a superhero but limits their activity to costumed charity work. He's derided them in the media, calling them "Real Life Sandwich Handlers."  This has not made him many friends, nor has the incredible amount of publicity he's garnered through his publicist, leading many to criticize him as someone who is involved primarily for personal fame and attention. Journalists and police have had difficulty in establishing how many of Jones' claims are unverifiable but true, or if some of the things he has said to reporters are fabrications or exaggerations. Frequently, other heroes will not work with a journalist who is doing a story on Jones, so this may have factored into the filmmakers' decision to leave him out.

In more recent news, a British superhero calling himself The Statesman gave aid to police during the recent riots in England, escorting scared travelers through areas with roving gangs of thugs. He also directly assisted police in performing arrests, and performed a citizen's arrest of a looter himself during the chaos. The movement, and the film showing it from as many perspectives as possible while retaining entertainment value are both very interesting. I applaud the intent and courage, if not every specific action performed by these people, and recognize the power of them as symbols. I just hope that as more people take up cape and cowl that we don't hear about one of them turning up dead from a gun or a knife. The real life superhero would, as a general rule, say that is a risk that comes with the job.

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Blog Gadgets

(Ultimate) Spiderman in the News: Much Ado About Nothing.

Comic books have been in the news a lot lately, and all too often, this is as a result of the convergence of our politically polarized society and popular culture, as I wrote about during the “Superman renounces US citizenship” hullabaloo. The latest round in all this centers on an event that the majority of comic book fans seem to care less about, but has appeared on the evening news and in articles written all across the web and old media. This is the biggest story that doesn't really matter to anyone in the geek world. I am, of course, talking about the death of Spiderman and his replacement by a young teen of mixed african-american and latino descent. On its surface, it seems like this is a big story. One of the most popular characters in comics is killed off, and his identity and costume is picked up by a new person.

Miles Morales, the new face of Spider-Man and scourge of racists who don't read comic books anyway. There may be instances of forced "political correctness" worth getting mad about. This ain't one of 'em.

Fact is, most of us couldn't be bothered to care. Most of the people making a big deal of the whole “death and replacement of Spider-Man thing” aren't comic fans. You can tell because there's no mention of the most important word in the whole fiasco. That word is “Ultimate.” The Ultimate Marvel Universe is an alternate, parallel universe unaffected by and that itself does not effect Core Marvel Universe Canon. What this means to non-geeks is that Marvel Ultimates stories are set in a world that by design have no association with the original visions of the characters, their comic books, their stories. Characters in the Ultimate Universe change appearance, origin, powers and personality, and some of the changes are there to “update” characters, while others seem frustratingly arbitrary.

The idea behind the Marvel Ultimates line is essentially the same reasoning behind this fall's massive DC relaunch/reboot. After decades of history and complex plots, comic books were deemed too intimidating to attract significant numbers of new readers. No influx of new fans, younger people with changing expectations and without the jaded grumbling common to older fans means inevitable attrition. Old fans get frustrated and stop collecting, or as years pass, simply die, and there is no generation waiting in the wings to replace them. Too many young people don't want to jump in on the middle of a story, and as a result, potential converts of kids who saw various Marvel Universe movies are opportunities wasted. This is the logic behind the creation of a 2^nd Marvel Universe. The blank slate, lack of established canon that needs to be followed and enthusiasm for new creators to tell stories with familiar characters in their own way on its surface makes a lot of sense.

"Updated" art and costumes, redesigned characters and Colossus is gay!
With jokes about "Will and Grace," the hamfisted portrayal of the gay superhero would offend everyone...
If anyone cared.

Thing is, most comic geeks today hate Ultimates and couldn't care less about whatever happens in it. In the early launch (2000-2005) of the Ultimate Titles, they sold like crazy. Traditional, “core” Marvel books were dying on the vine, and the idea of a relaunch seemed to be a runaway success. Several popular video games tied in nicely with the new setting, and it didn't hurt that Marvel Ultimate Alliance (and its sequel) were really good fighting games with RPG elements. The new wave of Marvel films plays it real close to the vest on which canon they are a part of, incorporating just enough from each Universe to satisfy fans of either. The problem is, the Ultimate Marvel books themselves had a crisis of identity. Having already alienated fans who didn't like certain characters seemingly randomly changed from their classic characterizations, new fans were slowly turned off when the writers who launched the new line in the first place left to work on “core” titles.

The energy once brought to Ultimates brought new life into previously slumped comic books, and the Ultimate Universe responded by borrowing more and more from the core continuity. Core and Ultimate Marvel were each starting to look like each other, and the Ultimate books did not benefit from the comparison, or the change in philosophy. To the uninitiated, Marvel comics appeared schizophrenic, and the Ultimate titles got the worst end of it, in addition to the lion's share of the blame. Fast forwarding to present day, core Marvel titles outsell their Ultimate equivalents, and with film and game tie-ins, the brand appears healthy again. In order to keep both lines relevant, Ultimates had to get back to what made people like it in the first place. It had to be more “different.” In this context, new writer Jeph Loeb interpreted “different” as “kill everybody.”

"Relaunch it again! Kill more heroes! See! We have characters from popular movies!
Love us again! LOVE US!!! *sob*"

The last few years have been marked by so many catastrophic events and character deaths that most of the remaining few who hadn't already thrown their hands up and given up on Ultimates threw in the towel. Titles that owed their success to failing books in the mainstream continuity resorted to increasingly desperate-seeming tactics to remain relevant. This is why when word came down that Peter Parker was being killed off the reaction went something like this: “What? Oh, Ultimate Spider-Man... I'll go back to not caring now.” Sales spike every time these cries for attention hit the shelves, but it seems that no matter how many popular characters are killed, a few issues later, sales are down again, and most comic book fans are happily ignorant of the happenings in the Ultimate continuity.

This is why this is such a non-issue. So what if the new Ultimate Spider-Man is a minority? Nick Fury has been Samuel L. Jackson with an eyepatch for over a decade in that world. The chest-thumping from conservative politicians and pundits make a whole lot of noise about it, with vaguely racist undertones, and most comic book fans are thinking: “What? Who? You think this matters? That's not even funny, it is kind of sad...” There's a story here, but it is a story that is aimed at people who couldn't care less about comics, because to the vast majority of the people who do care about comic books, there is no story here. Political commentators have taken up arms to defend... well, no one. The fact that so much (including this article) has been written and said on a subject that matters to so few says less about the comic book industry, and more about how disconnected politicians and cultural commentators have become from the rest of the population.

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Blog Gadgets

Cosplay and Conventions: Characters come to life.

It is now Mid-August, and for most of us geeks, what we'd call the “con season” is coming to an end. That isn't to say there aren't any conventions of note in the other months of the year, but depending on how you mark it and what type of shows you go to, the annual convention season is the summer months, including San Diego and Chicago Comic Cons, Origins, Gen Con, and Dragon Con (Dragon Con, usually in August, is actually in September this year.) Anime and Video Game Conventions tend to be a little more spread out, with Anime shows scheduled based on region and many of the Video Game conventions turning up from late summer into fall. I've been doing conventions a long time, even running a successful regional show for several years. One aspect common to nearly all of the conventions that geeks love is something I never got into. Cosplay, an amalgam of the words “costume” and, obviously, “play” is a term for designing and wearing costumes based on favorite characters that originated in the anime/manga fan communities.

BelleChere as Dawn, one of her Award-Winning costumes.

Once the domain of anime and comic book fans and the occasional trekkie in a Starfleet uniform or dressed as a Klingon, cosplay now has people turning up dressed as nearly any imaginable figure from popular cuture. Some well-known cosplayers are known for less than flattering costumes, such as Tron Guy or Sailor Bruce (I posted that picture once before, won't make you bleach your eyes again,) and even the terrifying Man-Faye (Google it, not even gonna link that one.)  Luckily for us, Cosplay isn't the exclusive domain of the overweight male geek and the occasional bored “booth babe” paid to dress up as Lara Croft and get drooled over by horny attendees. The hobby itself has attracted quite a few good looking people who are dedicated to the artistry of making costumes and having everything look just right.

Cosplay is also one of the few geek subcultures where most of the notable figures are female. It would be not entirely fair to point out that this is based primarily on physical attractiveness, as many of the best known ladies in the cosplay world aren't just models. Many (though not all, of course) cosplayers research, design and make their costumes from scratch, and the craftsmanship and attention to detail on some of the best pieces is astonishing. From jewelry and the clothes themselves to small touches like intricately designed accessories and realistic (but convention safe) weapons, many of the ladies and gentlemen do it all. Svetlana Quindt of Kamui Cosplay takes her dedication to the hobby a step further, believing that the body is an important part of the costume, and it has to look right. For her best known (many are World of Warcraft inspired) costumes, staying fit is as important as getting the hair, clothing and makeup just right.

Alexstrasa from World of Warcraft in a Kamui Cosplay photoshoot.

It isn't all hot women in skimpy clothing, however. The rise of video game and Western comic book characters appearing at conventions has plenty of men turning up dressed as Iron Man, Master Chief, Link, and several thousand variations of Wolverine and The Joker. Some of the very best of the costumes at the annual Blizz-Con costume contest are as much about performing and moving in whatever costume someone happens to be in as showing a lot of skin or dressing as a sexy character. Video game costumes in general, whether worn by men or women, can often attract a lot of positive attention based on cleverness, sense of humor, and overall craftsmanship. A poorly-made or ill fitting costume just doesn't work for anyone (unless that is part of the gag in a humorous costume.)

Both in Japan and in the United States, there are quite a few cosplayers who are well known enough to have their own fans. In Japan, these “Stars” of the convention circuit and online are referred to as “idols.” Large fan communities have developed around cosplay idols like Kipi and Saya, and the male “King of Cosplay,” Kaname. In the US, quite a following has developed around Jessica Nigri, who gained attention first for her take on a Pikachu costume, and BelleChere who is probably best known for her most revealing outfits as Ivy from Soul Calibur and Vampirella. Depending on the regional conventions attended, there are dozens of notable men and women debuting new outfits and doing photo-shoots.

Famous Cosplay Idol Kipi as Misa from Death Note.

Not everyone is a huge fan of the current state of cosplaying as a hobby, as especially in the US, anything with a component of sexual attractiveness is a magnet for controversy. The primary opponents of cosplay as a hobby fall into two camps. There are the people who believe that revealing costumes and the fan-worship surrounding them contributes to a chauvinistic and immature culture of objectification of women as sexual objects. These people are also quick to point out that a culture that has a reputation for being romantically awkward doesn't do itself any favors with legions of lonely nerds drooling over costumed women perpetuating a negative stereotype. The second group of critics is with the cosplayers themselves, claiming that many who are into cosplay are fans primarily of attention for themselves, and the characters and media they represent come in a distant second place.

Personally, I think complaining about sexuality in geek subcultures is an exercise in futility, and efforts to improve the perception of geeks as a subculture are battles best fought in a different arena. Where negative stereotypes can be dealt with at all (and lets face it, some of those ridiculous and patently untrue misconceptions won't die no matter what,) they should be handled without disrespect to someone else's hobby. Name-calling, in particular the characterization of cosplayers themselves as “attention whores” is the sort of counterproductive behavior that reinforces negative opinions of fans of comics, games and science fiction as socially awkward neckbeards who will live and die as virgins. Be nice to a cosplayer, don't be afraid to ask to take a picture, and above all... look, don't touch.

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Champions Online: Free For All – Review

I'm a fan of a lot of things that are associated with Champions Online, developed by Cryptic Studios and published by Atari. It is a superhero MMORPG, it is on Steam with a TON of achievements, it is based on a tabletop roleplaying system, and it uses the Free-to-play model. This isn't my first superhero MMO, as I played City of Villains when it launched as a companion game to City of Heroes. There are a lot of places an MMO, particularly a Free-to-play one, can stumble and falter, ruining the experience. Any MMO can suffer from tepid character creation options, unsatisfying or sparse content, server/lag issues, overly harsh penalties for death and/or forced interaction with a community that may consist mainly of unpleasant people. “Free” MMOs have additional potential pitfalls. Every Free-to-Play game has content available for purchase with real money, that's the business model. Entice, and have players willingly pay through microtransactions for additional content. Having too many features locked away behind a “paywall” can easily create a situation where a player feels like they were promised a game and given a demo. So, how does Champions Online Hold up under these critera?

Can Champions succeed where City of Heroes (arguably) failed?

Character creation in Champions is, in a word, amazing. Free, or Silver members start by choosing one of several “Archetypes,” which behave like character classes. Additional Archetypes are available for a small fee, and Gold Members (the monthly subscription option) can create a completely custom hero archetype. The sheer amount of cosmetic options for character customization at creation is mind-boggling, even without purchasing additional costume pieces with Atari Tokens. Head/face and body can be tweaked with custom sliders for control over precisely how the person in the costume looks, and when creating a character's costume, I've never seen another MMORPG with as many different custom bits. Tights, capes, insignias, horns and helmets, weapons and accessories, jetpacks and mystical artifacts can be added, re-colored and moved around. Some costume parts are unlockable through gameplay, others are free for Gold members or a small fee for Silver.

The content available in the game has the advantage of almost three years of updates and refinement based on subscriber feedback. Normal missions are fun, usually tied to a larger plot involving supervillains who will be encountered at the end of a quest chain, and suitable for either solo or group play. Combat is dynamic and representative of the genre after one or two powers past the starting basics are earned, with a single hero taking on groups of minions with a whole lot of flash. With only a few levels under your utility belt, the combat makes you feel like a hero. In addition to basic missions, there are daily instanced missions, public missions tied to specific areas of the world (like a prison breakout that needs to be stopped) and PvP Arenas in the “Hero Games.” Of particular note is the “Zombie Apocalypse” PvP match where heroes fight waves of zombies until killed, and then return as zombie versions of themselves and join the other side, gaining points on each side for survival time and kills. Some of those matches are as good or better than any PvP experience I've had in an MMO.

Android, Samurai, Wizard, Beast, Soldier... If you can imagine it, you can probably make it.

The usual MMORPG features of Auction House, Bank and Crafting Systems are present, with the ability to store, sell or disassemble the different power enhancement objects dropped by villains based on need. Power sets are tied to origin, chosen at the beginning of the game based on your preference for Mystical (gods/spirits, spells and magic items,) Science (cybernetics, altered/mutated DNA and radiation or chemicals,) or Arms (Training, weapons and gadgets.) None of these features is particularly revolutionary, and some of them seem included just to sastify the expectations of the genre, but they perform their role adequately. Guilds are present as well, predictably as Superhero Groups/Teams.

On the technical/mechanical side, characters are randomly assigned to an instanced version of the city, mission location or zone each time they change from area to area. This controls lag and server load without the need for multiple servers, and you can always tell which instance you are in if you need to meet up with friends to form a group. Game mechanics allow for increasing or decreasing combat difficulty and the corresponding rewards from defeated foes. This difficulty adjustment can be important, as there is a penalty for being defeated in combat, though it is not overly harsh. A hero respawns without need to run back to a corpse, but as a penalty, a “hero point” is lost, which reduces damage and healing done for each of the 5 points, represented by stars that can be lost though “death.” Hero points are regained by completing missions, defeating foes, or donating resources (currency) to charity.

My hero, The Arcane Eye, bringing his Sorcerous might to the Gangs of WestSide.

In terms of how much “game” there is for someone who chooses to spend nothing at all to play, it is a LOT. Aside from three purchasable adventure packs, all of the content is playable by free players, and the level cap can be reached without paying a dime. Most of the features that can optionally be purchased with Atari credits (bought with real money) are things like additional character slots (you get two free,) more inventory space, costume change slots and specific costume pieces. The features that are locked away to free players are tempting, but there is a full game there without any of them. I really prefer and respect the riskier choice to provide most of the game for free, and hope that the players like it enough to support the company with a few piecemeal features here and there.

The world of Champions has a nicely diverse cast of foes from gang members and thugs to supervillains, many NPCs and missions paying respect to pop culture references. I've encountered missions paying homage to A Clockwork Orange, Big Trouble in Little China and even Anchorman. The NPC cast of other heroes as allies to your character is handled in such a way that even though they are famous and powerful, your character isn't overshadowed, as you hear citizens talking about you and your exploits. The single greatest feature in making you feel like your character's personal story is part of the world is the Nemesis system. At level 25, you can create your character's own personal Arch-enemy. You design your villain's look, theme and even the appearance of their henchmen, and start getting missions to oppose your own archenemy. In true comic-book style, your personal foe may take advantage of moments of weakness, sending agents to attack while you are busy fighting other villains on a mission. I've never seen anything quite like this, and am looking forward to fighting an archenemy of my own design, the Joker to my Batman.

The villain creation system is unique, and more in-depth than the character creation system in any other MMO.

By nearly every test I can come up with for “Is this good?” Champions Online passes with flying colors (no pun intended.) If I was forced to find a complaint, despite the PvP options presented being good, there aren't many of them, the community in general, as it is with many free games is often hostile and juvenile, but there is no forced interaction with them if you don't want to wade through the trolls, scammers and elitists to find other decent strangers to game with. I also haven't tried grouping much yet, but have heard that traditional tank/heal/dps strategy works, but not as well as say, in WoW. With the exception of single-target boss encounters, tank type characters can't expect to hold aggro on everything the way you can in fantasy MMOs and most of the best healing powers are only available at higher levels except to the dedicated support archetypes. Overall, these complaints are exceedingly minor as compared to all the good things found in this game. Definitely worth your time if you like superheroes or MMORPGs, and you can't beat the price.  

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Review for Captain America – The First Avenger.

Last night, my wife and I made it out to the Midnight showing of Captain America. Midnight shows have always been something kind of special for me, as you get the fans who are really into whatever the film you are about to see is about. No one in there just trying to kill a few hours or to not have to interact with their shrieking offspring for a few hours, just... fans. It is different going to one of these when unemployed. You don't have to worry about how the late night out will affect you at work the next day, and you've probably gotten into the habit of staying up too late already. At this stage of the game, if I can manage it, I'll try to see all my movies as Midnight showings. More respectful audience and I can go out at my leisure? Yes, please. But what about the film itself?

There were a lot of ways they could have gone with this, and I
respect the choices made to bring this to the big screen.

Marvel faced a unique set of challenges in the making of Captain America: The First Avenger. Set in front of them was the task of doing an origin story for a character set in World War 2, giving that character his due as a major superhero, and getting that same character from the 1940s to being ready to return for the Avengers Movie next year. Given that Cap has a 70 year history and his backstory has taken many crazy twists and turns in all those years, this is a tall order. All the other usual comic-book film challenges are present as well, incorporating a costume that might look great in a comic book (but ridiculous on-screen,) developing the main character without neglecting important secondary characters and villains, etc...

The brains behind this film knocked it out of the park. Not only did they hit the high points I list above, but they also managed to tighten up the connections between Captain America, Thor and Iron Man to set the stage. Let's be frank for a moment. There were changes made, though not many to Steve Rogers, his origin, and the essence of the character. Most of the significant changes were made to explain or justify elements that, had they been 100% true to the comics, would have taken hours of exposition to explain minor points or would have looked like nonsense and disrupted the flow of the story. Most of the significant changes were in Captain America's specific actions in the war, and in the motivations and background of The Red Skull.

Instead of ignoring Cap's origin as a pulp-action bit of WWII propaganda, the film
embraces it, reframes it and makes you care about the character because of it.

In the comics, both Cap himself and the Red Skull had a whole lot more to do with the war and the fight against Nazi Germany than their film counterparts. The Skull from the comics was personally trained by Hitler, and remained one of his top agents throughout the war, and Cap regularly fought on the front lines, with nazis as his stock enemy. In the film, the Red Skull is still, of course, a nazi in terms of origins, but he breaks away from Hitler in favor of allegiance to HYDRA, which he leads in pursuit of using super-science to conquer the world and destroy his enemies. The shift in focus from Cap fighting Nazis to fighting HYDRA troopers keeps the story on-task. (If I need to pick nits at this stage, I could complain that the "Hail HYDRA" salute looks a little silly.) This is a story with a lot of respect for the original material, but one that can't sacrifice telling a comprehensible story to comic-book accuracy.

Those original 1940s comics, with Captain America as propaganda tool punching out Hitler and with the kite shield rather than his now-iconic Vibranium round shield are paid homage to in a clever and unexpected way that also explains the costume in a world that is otherwise gritty 1940s pulp. The transition from “war movie” to “superhero movie” is aided by the Red Skull and Arnim Zola (played by Toby Jones, perfectly cast as the version of the Nazi scientist before he started impanting himself into android bodies with a big face in the chest.) The origins of HYDRA are linked to the Red Skull's obsession with the occult and how it can be bent to evil scientific ways. The source of the Skull's superweaponry is The Tessaract, a piece stolen, according to legend, from Odin's treasure room, which ties in nicely with THOR.

Zola and the Skull years after the war. I was geeking out over how well they handled Zola without
going too far and showing him in his final supervillain form.

The supporting cast manages to work in not only “Bucky” Barnes, who is a necessary component in a story about Captain America, but also some of the top characters from other WWII-era Marvel titles and a link back to Iron Man. The presence of Stark Industries as a military weapons contractor fits with what we know from the Iron Man films. Tony Stark's grandfather is an important character whose presence is only natural in a science-based program in the war effort. I was more impressed with how neatly many of the iconic members of the Howling Commandoes were worked in, in particular Dum Dum Dugan, Jim Morita, Gabriel Jones and Montgomery Falsworth. Though in the comic universe these characters were led by Nick Fury, their placement in the film does the characters justice and they get to be heroes on-screen in a support role to what could have been a one-man show.

All of the characters from this era who, in the Marvel continuity, survive from the 1940s to the present day are handled neatly in a “for this story, their role is complete, but you didn't see a body now, did you?” manner. The film opens telling us that the classic method of getting Steve Rogers from hero of the past into the present is maintained with him, and his shield, encased in ice. By the end of this movie, Cap's own story has been told and all of the pieces are in place to properly launch The Avengers as a single film, and if the story told there is as well done as the work on Iron Man, THOR and Captain America... hopefully a series of movies. I know I'll be lined up to see Joss Whedon's take on bringing all these characters from their own movies into a superteam ensemble... most likely, at Midnight.

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The DC Universe is ending, long live the DC Universe.

A story that broke last week while I was busy writing about E3 has given me a little time to think about it and what, if anything, it means to me. I've made it clear that my comic book allegiance is primarily to Marvel, but let's face it. Superman was the first tradtional comic book superhero, and Batman... is Batman. In light of this, even a Marvel fanboy like me sits up and takes notice when DC announces that as if September 2011, all its superhero titles are canceled. Yep, in their current form, all those comics are done. There will be a relaunch of the entire DC line with any books being resurrected coming back with new #1 issues. The big reset button just got pushed on the entire Universe, and everything starts over.

Cover - Action Comics #1.

There are a few questions that arise naturally from an announcement like this. Why would DC do such a thing? Is it a publicity stunt or cash grab? What does all this have to do with the state of comic books in general? The announcement about some of the specific titles to be relaunched has provoked other reactions, most notably the return of Batgirl with Barbara Gordon in the cape and cowl. DC has been no stranger to controversy in storylines recently, but one thing is for certain. You make a decision like this, and it gets people talking, and people talking about your product is rarely bad for business.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. DC had to clean up the overly complicated and confusing multiple continuities is had with the mega-event Crisis on Infinite Earths back in 1985. There were different versions of many superheroes depending on which continuity you chose to follow, and new readers were put off by trying to keep it all straight. Dimensions were destroyed, heroes died, and the DC Universe was relaunched as a single Universe, only one version of each hero and plot to keep track of. I suspect that the motivation behind the Universe reboot and series relaunch is very similar.

Not "Ultimate" anything... still the Goddamn Batman.

It has been said many times by many people, but it bears repeating here. The comic industry is in trouble. All printed media is feeling the strain of a digital age where people are slowly migrating away from purchasing paper copies of certain forms of entertainment and information. Comics gets hit particularly hard due to decisions made in the 1980s and 1990s of what to do with the medium. Once it became clear that it was profitable in the short term to appeal to nostalgic comic fans interested in re-purchasing pieces of their childhood, that's what comic companies did, at the expense of attracting new readers. This is a problem because long-time fans get disillusioned, move on to other nostalgia after a while, or just plain die, and when they do, there has to be a steady stream of new fans to fight the attrition.

Marvel tried to address this a few years back with the Ultimates line, which longtime fans hated and ignored for the most part, but elements of Marvel Ultimates seems to have attracted some sort of fanbase, so I'm not calling that a failed experiment, at least not yet. DC is taking it a step further than Marvel did, saying, “We've got this relaunch, we're going to give you a new version of our world, and its going to be the only one.” This is a bold move that is going to anger a lot of long time customers, and some will probably stop reading DC comics because of it, but sometimes, you have to lose a limb in order to save the body, and without some sort of timely intervention, the patient is currently terminal. Is this going to be viewed as a smart move? Maybe not, but something had to be done.

Some titles will be canceled and will not relaunch, and other new titles will start fresh alongside Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, The Justice League and Green Arrow. They will also be folding certain books into the DC Universe proper, including the Wildstorm characters Grifter and Voodoo who first appeared in the Image Comics WildC.A.T.s, by Jim Lee. (I could have told you in 1992 which two characters would survive if you could only pick two from that team, and I'd have been right.) They'll also be launching Suicide Squad, a team of Death Row supervillains chosen by the government to go on missions they aren't expected to return from, though this team, in practice, will turn out to be “Harley Quinn and the Pips.” Harley Quinn was the breakout wildly successful villain created for Batman: The Animated series, and she was added to the DC Comics canon officially by the late 1990s. Her extremely violent, insane and overtly sexual incarnation from the more “mature” comics seems to be the version they'll push to carry that title.

More like "Suicide Girls Squad," Amirite?... heh, her, err... okay, I'm done.

Most of the characters are being reset to earlier points in their careers, as one of the challenges for a writer is to actually be able to threaten superheroes who have been through so much and gained experience and power from, in many cases 25 to 50 years of fighting superpowered criminals and saving the world. How do you write a legitimate threat to these characters without treading well-worn paths and straining credibility? Quite simply, you don't. You tell the same stories over and over again and ask the fans to believe that this time, the danger to the hero is different somehow, even when it clearly isn't. The solution: Don't re-tell origin stories necessarily, but roll back the clock a little bit, see the heroes when they are still figuring things out and crime fighting is dangerous business again.

One of the consequences to a rollback is that it puts characters in a different place. For Barbara Gordon, that place is out of a wheelchair and into her costume as Batgirl. Since the classic Joker story “The Killing Joke,” Barbara Gordon was paralyzed from a bullet The Joker put into her spine, leaving her for dead. Her paralysis made possible her transformation into the superhero information broker and surveillance expert Oracle, and she effectively led the Birds of Prey team, which even got its own TV series (mercifully short-lived and probably another candidate for yesterday's article.) Barbara Gordon out of her wheelchair provoked an emotional reaction from some fans with disabilities, as Oracle is a favorite, and very strong character to many. The response from Gail Simone of DC, who wrote Barbara Gordon as Oracle for years, boils down to a simple question. If characters are being healed, brought back from the dead, if this is an earlier point in their careers, why would the one constant being that Barbara Gordon is always in a wheelchair? A strong argument.

Oracle is a great character, but that is a very cool cover for Batgirl #1.

We don't know the specifics of how this will all work, what the crossover that ends the old DC Universe and ushers in the new will actually look like. The cynical geeks among us will deride the company for publicity and for grabbing for cash because collectors love “Issue #1s.” Me, I'm going to wait and see. I'll pick up the titles involved in the crossover, and at least browse some of the new books up after the relaunch, though 52 issues is no where near my budget. When we get to see exactly how and why this all plays out, I'm sure I'll come right back to this space with my opinion.

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The Worst Adaptations of Beloved Geek Properties On-Screen

After a weekend spent gaming, (what else?) reading and watching the penultimate episode of the first season of Game of Thrones I started thinking about how it is a pretty good time to be a geek. Many of the things we love are becoming more accessible, we can finally talk about a few of our interests with non-geek family and friends, and perhaps most importantly, it looks like film and TV producers are finally realizing that faithful adaptations of great novels, games and comics are the most popular and profitable. (Though there are recent exceptions.) I think a lot of the credit for this has to go to Peter Jackson and his Lord of the Rings adaptation, where the “sweet spot” between being faithful to the source and making changes to allow a story to be told properly in a visual medium was hit. This said, it wasn't always like this. It wasn't so very long ago that hearing a favorite comic or book was going to be in the movies or on TV filled geek hearts with dread. Those adaptations are the ones I want to talk about.

Too obvious. WAY too obvious.

Lord of the Rings (1978): Ralph Bakshi's animated version of the Lord of the Rings story has been much-maligned over the years, and for many of the wrong reasons. It isn't particularly unfaithful to the books, at least not more than the Peter Jackson trilogy was, it isn't badly animated or acted, quite the contrary, in fact. Some of the techniques pioneered in this movie were used in later animated films, and were later translated to animation in video games. The problem here was studio interference. The story ends abruptly at the battle of Helm's Deep (2/3 of the way through,) and Bakshi wanted to title the movie, “Lord of the Rings – Part One,” but he was overruled by studio executives who feared that audiences would refuse to pay to see half a movie. Audiences expecting the whole story were outraged at the ending, and those same executives used this fan disappointment as justification to not fund the production of the sequel that would complete the story.

And it doesn't even have Leonard Nimoy singing.

Ghost Rider (2007): GR was one of my favorite comic book characters, and this movie seems to have been done on a wager to see how many different ways a comic book adaptation could screw things up. To start, we have the terrible casting of Nicolas Cage who is not tough enough to play Johnny Blaze and too old to play Danny Ketch, the two mortals who became the Ghost Rider. The origins of the characters are changed in arbitrary ways, details thrown in missing key bits or context as though they were penned by someone who had the character's origin explained to them once by someone who kinda remembered reading them a decade earlier. The plot is nearly incomprehensible with ridiculous new elemental-demons tacked into the story and virtually every character from the comic sharing little with their namesakes aside from, well.. their names. If filmmakers are going to get everything from the comics wrong, they could at least do so in pursuit of making a decent movie. Every deviation from the comics made an already bad story worse. Oh... and they are making a sequel. Take that, Ralph Bakshi.

It takes a lot of hard work to make me hate something featuring this guy.

Legend of the Seeker (2008-2010) : Okay, to be completely fair, I am less than thrilled with the Sword of Truth series of books by Terry Goodkind, which this show is (loosely) based on. However, the first season covered events from the first book in the series, which I actually enjoyed a lot when I first read it. The biggest problem with this show is that interpretations of key characters was just plain wrong. In the book, Wizard's First Rule, Zeddicus Zul'Zorander is a quirky but harmless seeming old man who plays the fool and isn't taken seriously by anyone, despite secretly being a powerful wizard. In the show, Zedd behaves like a powerful wizard but no one suspects him because the script told them not to. The Kahlan Amnell of the novels is aloof and consumed by the weight of a power that defines her and keeps her from getting close to anyone. Her power is such that teams of three assassins are sent after her because she is expected to kill two with a single touch, and having no combat abilities, the third will kill her. The Kahlan of the show is a perky girl who fights by spinning in circles with knives. You could get everything else right, and the show fails by missing the point on two of the three main characters.

No. Just... no.

Mortal Kombat: Conquest (1998-1999): It isn't really hard to find a bad adaptation of a video game on screen. You could start with the whole career of Uwe Boll, for example. I hold up the single season of the Mortal Kombat TV show as how something can fail before it has even started, and then manage to end even worse. Mortal Kombat has dozens of characters in its universe, and other movies and show (including Kevin Tancharoen's recent excellent web series) have struggled to incorporate them all without it being ridiculous. The main characters of the show were two brand new characters never appearing in the game, and a minor character from the game best known for being “the asian dude who wears a sombrero.” I'm not kidding. They also portray Raiden, God of Thunder as a white guy with long white hair, just like the movies showed him because the film wanted to cast Christopher Lambert as somebody. The first (and only) season also gives us the “everybody dies” ending, with a man in a halloween costume laughing as the camera zooms in on the Mortal Kombat logo in the final shot. At least the show launched the career of Kristanna Loken, who was looking her absolute best in those days.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003): One of the greatest graphic novels ever written, and the single largest crime against comic geeks perpetrated by Hollywood. They put in an unnecessary American character to appeal to audiences who wasn't in the comic (U.S Secret Service Agent Tom Sawyer? Oh, and they arbitrarily add Dorian Grey to the team as well, why not?) Fine. They dumbed down the plot and changed key characters' personalities and motivations. Fine. They took a Victorian adventure and tacked on a car chase on the streets of Venice. I don't even know where to start to explain what's wrong with that sentence, but.. fine. They had to utterly destroy the strongest female character I've encountered in any comic book. Mina Murray (formerly Harker) was the team leader, a proper lady with a dark past which may have left some residual powers. If she possesses any supernatural ability from her run-in with Dracula years ago, she doesn't show it. She doesn't need it. By intelligence and strength of character she manages a team struggling with homicidal impulses, limited capacity for loyalty or heroism, extreme sadism and near-suicidal levels of addiction. In the movie, she's a stock slutty vampire who spouts one-liners in a team run by Sean Connery. This is not fine.

We'll never get a good film based on this, now.

Yikes. On second thought, enough of these were recent that I think I'll still get nervous when I hear something I like is being turned into a movie or TV show. There are countless more obvious examples, and I'll probably be able to follow this up with “Worst Films based on comics” (Catwoman, anyone?) and a multi-part series of “Worst video game movies” at some point in the future. But for now, I'm going to do something nice and calming. Just writing about LXG makes me mad all over again.

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