Monday, February 28, 2011

Icecream For Breakfast

The first week I spent out of work started with a little self-indulgence and a lot of guilt and feeling like I was worthless. I'd play computer games, screw around online, make plans I knew I likely wouldn't follow through on and drink screwdrivers or rum 'n cokes. I wasn't doing anything productive, and what's worse, I wasn't even enjoying myself. This is when I first started realizing that maybe I wasn't handling the whole unemployment thing as well as I'd hoped.

Near the end of that week, I made a decision. For just a little bit, while I have severance coming, being paid for my time, I resolved to do whatever I wanted, while refusing to feel guilty about it. Indulge just a bit, so I wouldn't have to eat the worst parts of not working and have the best parts ruined. Instead, I'd eat ice cream.

I made this decision shortly after waking up, and decided to do it literally. Walked to the freezer, got out a cookie-dipped drumstick, and had breakfast. Damned if I didn't feel better. All of a sudden, self-loathing was gone.

I'm not a child, I knew then and know now that I can't just style myself as a "gentleman of leisure" and just do whatever the hell I want forever. But dealing with the reality of my new situation involves needing to cope. Guilt wasn't helping at all. Icecream helped a little.

Hating yourself for things that are beyond your control is a waste of time. Don't.

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3 comments:

sildude said...

Nothing wrong with indulgence every once in a while.

Chris said...

Last sentence. Very wise words--and good to hear that the ice cream helped, even just a little bit. Hopefully things will pull through for you.

Cait said...

I noticed in another post, but I figured I'd comment here... working in a call centre is hard mentally and (has caused me) to slide physically.

I've been working at my call centre for just over two years now, and I'm feeling at times as if all I want at out. Other days, I love my job, but the longer I stay in the same position, the more I feel I'm underutilized and not long for the job.

I hope you're able to find out where you want/need to be.

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